Leonard's Losers (Week of October 20)

Leonard's Losers comes to you this week from the floor of 134 E. 13th St. here in New York City, just a short train ride away from the site of what would have been our game of the week (had I met my self-imposed deadline):  Rutgers/ South Florida.  Frankly, my irresponsibility probably worked to my benefit this time  -- if I had to proclaim a Big East game featuring Rutgers and SOUTH FLORIDA the game of the week, I'd have vomited on my shiny, sort-of-new Mac.

For those of you hoping for an epic out of this week's column, well, you're going to be disappointed.  Sorry.  It's a special Len turns 30 lightning round version of this week's picks.  That's right, two short columns in a row.  Not sure whose birthday it is, mine or Cousin Marty's.  D***.

Game of the Week

Florida @ Kentucky (+6.5)
Again, Saturday is my birthday.  Florida couldn't possibly lose to Ken-mutha-effin-tucky on my birthday.  Right?  [Detect suffocating sense of dread].  I mean, I have to pick Florida and I have to pick them to cover, but let me tell you, this one has me quaking in my old man Depends.  If it turns into a shootout, I'm just not sure we can keep up.  All the folks who get paid to do this tell me that it's hard for an underdog to get up for two huge games in a row and that 'Tucky probably blew its wad against LSU last week.  Why doesn't this make me feel better?  This one is an angst-filled Leonard's Loser:  Kentucky by 7

The Biggest Loser

For those new to the blog, the Biggest Loser is usually the team that suffered the worse loss in the previous week.  However, in dishonor of Miami and Florida State renewing acquaintances this week, we're dubbing this once great game the week's Loser Más Grande.

Miami @ Florida State (-5.5)
You know who cares about the outcome of this game?  Not the Miami "fans."  Try:  Those sheep rapists in Tallahassee and, literally, no one else.  As a complete Florida homer, you know I enjoy seeing these two circle the bowl.  As a college football fan, it kills me that these teams smell.  Life was sweeter when I cared enough to root for a meteor to hit the stadium.  Heck, it was sweeter when the Miami team was populated by felons and the FSU fans had real reason to fear for the safety of their players.  Now, they just hope Bobby Bowden remembers to put his teeth in.  Leonard's Loser:  Miami by 14  

The Best of Rest

Tennessee @ Alabama (Even)
There's something fitting about the first love of my life, Alabama, playing my arch nemesis, Tennessee, on my 30th birthday.  Did I mention Tennessee needs to lose another game to get Florida back in the SEC title chase?  Can someone say "Happy birthday to Len"?  Please?  Leonard's Loser:  Tennessee by 3

Auburn @ LSU (-10.5)
Remember how I said Les Miles was a bad coach?  If blowing the Tiger's number 1 ranking to Ken-mutha-effin-tucky wasn't enough to prove it, watch what they do this week as a double-digit favorite against Auburn.  They'll win, but not by 10.  Listen to me Michigan, run as far from this man as you can.  Leonard's Loser:  Auburn by 3

Michigan @ Illinois (+2.5)
Before the season started, Nick told me this was the game he feared the most.  After seeing Michigan screw the pooch against App State's and Oregon's mobile quarterbacks, thoughts of Illinois's Juice Williams are probably tormenting the little guy's dreams.  Leonard's Loser:  Michigan by 1

Michigan State @ Ohio State (-17.0)
If the end of the season rankings were identical to how they currently look and Ohio State were to finish undefeated, they would have beaten exactly two ranked teams:  #23 Purdue and #25 Michigan.  Does this sound like a team that deserves a national title shot?  Leonard's Loser:  Michigan State by 14

Texas Tech @ Missouri (-3.5)
Kansas State @ Oklahoma State (-3.0)
Kansas @ Colorado (+4.0)
Question:  Name 3 Big 12 games that are sadly relevant to the college football landscape that no one, not even the players, care about?  Answer:  See above.  Two Kansas teams?  Really?  Leonard's Losers:  Texas Tech by 7, Kansas State by 7 and Colorado by 3

Cal @ UCLA (Even)
Vegas wants me to pick a team that is so bad they actually managed to lose to Notre Dame?  Pass.  Leonard's Loser:  UCLA by 7

Penn State @ Indiana (+7.5)
When a game involving Indiana is actually quite important to your conference championship race, your conference smells like a baby's diaper (not to be confused with the old man's diaper I'm being fitted for this afternoon).  Leonard's Loser:  Indiana by 8

 

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